I Camped. Then I Napped

We packed up the kids and went car camping this weekend.  We rarely go camping.  After 30+ days with no rain in the great Northwest, it rained.  Hard.  We started out our fun family weekend drenched in a mud lot in a tarp covered hell.  And if you all think hell is hot, it's not.  It's freezing ass cold.  This downpour should have been a clear red flag that this family should head home.  We didn't.  We said, "Screw you rain gods" and braved the elements.  With much swearing under our breaths by my husband and myself, and a canopy on loan from my fantastic friend, we set up our weekend villa.

Then next thing we noticed once our paradise was in place was the nicely timed burn ban in effect.  $#!%!  No freakin' campfire?!  Son of a...!  No matter.  We were going to have fun on this blasted camping trip come hell or high water!  Remember, we had both hell and high water.

The rain let up a bit and we made do with the soaked site and smoreless evening.  The kids were having fun.  My husband and I sat back and watched my daughter create a slug village and watched the snail races.  She got filthy and played with moss, mud, rocks and sticks for hours.  Excellent!  My son turned our tent into the most technologically advanced nylon nook around!  Complete with remote control lantern.  Things were looking up!

The Snail Races (those are pistachio shells on slugs)

Until that night when our lovely loud-lipped neighbor to the west decided to keep us wide-eyed with her stories of bad taste.  Her voice was one of those that carried.  Her name was Jenna from what we could clearly hear.  Her middle name she mentioned was Tailia.  Classy.  Thank you so much Jenna Tailia.  My kids finally fell asleep in the cold, damp tent.  I put my headphones on to drown out Jenna's drunken cackle. 

We learned you cannot even touch an eagle feather.  Turning one in to a park ranger is a big no-no.  Thanks for the scolding and the threat of a $5,000 fine Ranger Rick.  "Any chance of the burn ban getting lifted due to all that rain we just had?"  The answer was less than friendly.  "Alrighty then.  Thanks."  Son of a...(smile) 

"What sweetie?  You need to go to the bathroom again?  Even though we just walked the quarter mile there and back through the sticker bushes?  No problem!" Goddammit, son of a...(smile.)  "You don't want any of the food I just made you?  You know, it took me half an hour to boil the water for the blessed...(smile.)  "Oh, you want 8 Oreo cookies instead?"  No problem.  This is going to be the best camping trip ever!  What the %$#& just bit me?!

Another night of flying f-bombs from Jenna Tailia.  This time a Ranger Rick told her to keep it down.  She apparently "knows her rights!"  I pipe in with a "SHUT UP!"

We leave by 9:30am the next morning.  I leave Miss Jenna Tailia a little letter pinned to a bush at her campsite.  We are home by 10 in the morning.  I take a nap.  Ahhhhhh.  A  purring cat and a down comforter.  Now this is bliss!  That night we have a freaking campfire at home.  Complete with smores.  Camping again in two weeks?  Sure!

Live on,

-Kristy