Here it is again. A daunting plain white screen and what feels like my very first post. It's not of course. I have my own blog. But writing for someone else? This is something new. A new audience, a new group, new possibilities! Where do I begin?
I guess I'll start with this is a dream. I have always wanted to write. When I was a little girl I would make up and write elaborate stories. I craved written assignments where I could let my imagination roam free. I would compose my own little books, poems, even songs (I am not musical). My fifth grade teacher saw potential and was convinced I would be a writer. I was elated! I had something to hold on to. I could be a writer along with the hundred other things I wanted to be. I could do anything! Oh the mind of a ten year old girl.
Then, somewhere between middle school and college I lost that enthusiasm and my confidence. By the time I was in high school my hopes had crashed down to earth. Any critique or criticism of my work made my dream slip farther and farther away. Finally a voice in my head became louder than my dream, "You are not good at this. Others are so much better than you." My stories, poems, thoughts on paper were shown to no one. The writing became scarcer and scarcer and finally put away in a box. A dream was all it was. I dropped out of college because I didn't get a perfect grade in every class I took. My black and white thinking grew blacker and whiter. If I cannot be perfect at something, I shouldn't do it. This went for everything I did: my art, my education, anything new I tried. This unfortunately went on for a long time. Too long.
Hop, skip and jump forward few years. I'm now a 35 year old woman (with no college degree mind you). I have a career. I have a pretty dang awesome husband. I have two growing children watching my every move. I want them to see who I am as a woman, not just their mom. I want to encourage them to try things. I want them to see me try new things and follow my passions. I want them to know they don't have to be perfect at something to do it, or at the very least give it a try. I have learned a lot about myself. I accept certain things about myself both the good and the bad. I may never write a best-selling novel but if I enjoy writing, then why not freaking write? My drawings may never be in an art gallery but if I like creating then dammit I should do it! The ship may have sailed on some of my dreams, but what options are still open to me? What can I do? I can write. I can reach others through my words. My dreams and goals may have altered a bit. But is that so bad?
Food for Thought
What dreams have you given up on?
What has held you back from your goals?
Are there dreams worth reopening and exploring?
Live on!
-Kristy
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