Glorious Disconnect

I stood in front of the surrounding mirrors.  I washed my hands, checked my hair, my teeth (no green leaves hanging out between my pearly whites?  Check!  Anything in my nose besides my nose ring? Check!  Then I caught a glimpse of something I rarely see.  The back of me.  I suddenly felt like I was looking at a different person.  I was disconnected.  I saw my shoulders, my neck, the back of my head.  Now of course I have seen the back of myself before but this time it was different. The usual check points I am used to seeing were not in focus.  For a few moments I wasn't dissecting myself; that scar on my cheek, the pimples of the week, my chin that I hate, which eyebrow hairs had to be eradicated, all the body bits I criticize.  It all vanished for a good minute or so.  I don't consider myself to be vain, just a regular American woman.

How many of you have seen the new campaign Dove Real Beauty Sketches?  I do not want to advertise their "product".  I don't regularly buy their merchandise.  However, I have to admit their ad really got me thinking (nice job advertising agency).  What if the way I see myself, every day, really isn't accurate?  Now I know I have struggled with some body dysmorphia issues.  Many people with eating disorders do.  But the scope of how differently women (and maybe men too) see themselves from what is accurate really struck a chord with me.  When did this warped image come into play?  Not only for me personally but for others and society as a whole?  As I stood in front of those mirrors, I had the rare alternate view of myself.  I was able to look at the back of me and say to myself, "There is a woman." and nothing more.  No judgements, no criticism, no feedback from the part of my brain that likes to pick at me.  I assume that if I stood there longer than a minute that part of my brain would have jumped in with some unwanted comments.  But in that brief moment, I was free.  I'll take it!  I hope it happens again.

These thoughts had me considering the even bigger picture.  What if not only my physical perception of myself was inaccurate but my entire idea of myself.  What if I am really not all the negative things my brain tells me I am?  What if I started believing that others might have a more subjective opinion than I do?  Dear God!  This is hopeful!  Now I know Kristy B is not every one's cup of tea.  My point is not to make everyone like me or tell me how awesome I am.  This pondering just has me thinking that maybe I can let some of my negativity about myself go, and maybe see things through different eyes.  As much as I am able to anyway.  I will keep trying this and agree that it is much easier said than done.  I believe for myself, seeing my image from a different angle in that mirror was a great way to start.

Here's some food for thought:

Does our negative talk serve us in some way?

When did you notice self critical thoughts in your life?

Is there anyway you are able to look at yourself from a disconnected point of view? 


Live on!

-Kristy