-My contribution to There but for the Grace of Kelly-
Here it is again. A daunting plain white screen and what feels like
my very first post. It's not of course. I have my own blog. But
writing for someone else? This is something new. A new audience, a new
group, new possibilities! Where do I begin?
I guess I'll start
with this is a dream. I have always wanted to write. When I was a
little girl I would make up and write elaborate stories. I craved
written assignments where I could let my imagination roam free. I would
compose my own little books, poems, even songs (I am not
musical). My fifth grade teacher saw potential and was convinced I
would be a writer. I was elated! I had something to hold on to. I
could be a writer along with the hundred other things I wanted to be. I
could do anything! Oh the mind of a ten year old girl.
Then,
somewhere between middle school and college I lost that enthusiasm and
my confidence. By the time I was in high school my hopes had crashed
down to earth. Any critique or criticism of my work made my dream slip
farther and farther away. Finally a voice in my head became louder than
my dream, "You are not good at this. Others are so much better than
you." My stories, poems, thoughts on paper were shown to no one. The
writing became scarcer and scarcer and finally put away in a box. A
dream was all it was. I dropped out of college because I didn't get a
perfect grade in every class I took. My black and white thinking grew
blacker and whiter. If I cannot be perfect at something, I shouldn't do
it. This went for everything I did: my art, my education, anything new
I tried. This unfortunately went on for a long time. Too long.
Hop,
skip and jump forward few years. I'm now a 35 year old woman (with no
college degree mind you). I have a career. I have a pretty dang
awesome husband. I have two growing children watching my every move. I
want them to see who I am as a woman, not just their mom. I want to
encourage them to try things. I want them to see me try new
things and follow my passions. I want them to know they don't have to
be perfect at something to do it, or at the very least give it a try. I
have learned a lot about myself. I accept certain things about myself
both the good and the bad. I may never write a best-selling novel but
if I enjoy writing, then why not freaking write? My drawings may never
be in an art gallery but if I like creating then dammit I should do it!
The ship may have sailed on some of my dreams, but what options are still open to me? What can I do? I can write. I can reach others through my words. My dreams and goals may have altered a bit. But is that so bad?
Food for Thought
What dreams have you given up on?
What has held you back from your goals?
Are there dreams worth reopening and exploring?
Live on!
-Kristy
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